She colored a giraffe today,
One ear pink the other green,
A tail of blue and the body brown
with spots of many colors.
She brought in her joyful offering into the world of grown-ups,
and the first to see it said,
“But no one has ever seen a giraffe like that!”
“Isn’t that too bad!”
was all she said.
Keep resisting, child, those little boxes,
The cramped and stuffy judgments that bury one alive.
Fight the brave battle to be the one you are.
-Gerhard E. Frost, “Seasons of a Lifetime”
As I witness my 3-year old granddaughter find her place in this chaotic world of 2020, I love to watch her grow and stretch physically as she runs and jumps and dresses herself; as well as emotionally in using her voice when she wants or needs something. I’m in awe once again (after watching my own children develop through this stage so many years ago) of the courage to overcome the booming fireworks and instead see their beauty by her excitement of cheering and clapping and screeching a thrilling scream, “Gigi, Gigi, look at that one, and that one, ohhhh, did you see that one, Gigi?” Or chanting “NO! NO! NO!” like a drill sergeant trying to get her point across, or showing her curiosity about the meaning of words and phrases, asking about buildings and cars and trucks and names of flowers, inquiring about how tools work, and telling me her interpretation of what different bird songs mean. She also watches people’s expressions, tones and body language, like when we were in the grocery store one day before COVID: “Oh Gigi, that mama yelled at her son really mean!” “Gigi, why did the mama make her eyes like this?” (she imitated a very angry look on her face where her eyes darted downwards and mouth curled up like a growling dog).
All of the information-gathering that she is doing takes me back to my undergraduate Psychology courses in Human Development Across the Life Span. Basically, she is creating what is referred to as schemas which are building blocks of knowledge or a way of organizing learned information. Once these schemas are built, the existing schemas are capable of explaining to ourselves what can be perceived. When what we perceive feels safe and we understand it, this places us in a state of equilibrium or a state of cognitive balance. We continue creating, building, refiling and renaming our schemas throughout our lifetime. We continue this process due to various personal, familial, social and global factors to include new information, lessons learned and events that we experience.
Imagine a personal state of balance which fosters a feeling of peace. I teach clients how to work through their schemas that bring upset and interpersonal discord, then we explore and discuss thoughts, feelings and behaviors – both past and present- that keep adding to the imbalance. It takes courage to be a part of a therapeutic healing journey. It can be both gut-wrenchingly painful and joyfully freeing to hold a new awareness, feel the pain around that awareness, then work to create new behaviors or new ways of believing, seeing or functioning in one’s life and in the world. Schemas help us understand and respond to situations.
I wonder, with all of 2020’s discord, unknowing, cognitive dissonance, fear, conflict, hostility, insecurity, unpredictability…..where do we as adults - for ourselves and for the children - find harmony, higher power, transformation, clarity, authenticity, change, courage, responsibility, love? What will you turn to for inspiration and grounding as a schema or framework about an object, an event, a person or a group of people, that will positively affect the space between reality and what you perceive?
Do you have the courage, like a child forming schemas, to get curious and ask questions to heal a part of you that keeps you trapped in the cycle of victimhood, injury, codependence, addiction, confusion or woundedness? Life is tough! Life is very tough with its changes and challenges; losses and diseases; abuses, neglects and emptiness. Go within and search. As Mother Teresa once said, “In silence we will find new energy and true unity. Silence gives us a new outlook on everything.”
Take the chance. Dare to be authentic. Allow that which is good into your heart, mind and soul. Like a child in the sandbox, allow the sieve to strain away that which no longer is needed or no longer serves you. Create healthy boundaries and reprocess painful experiences that keep you tethered to affliction.
Will your openness be buried alive like the perfectly-colored picture of the giraffe trapped by the rigid schema of how it should look like? Or, will you create the courage schema and blossom into your authenticity?
Peace to you always!