It’s been just over three months since my dear sister-in-law Rita passed. We had her service a few weeks ago, celebrating her life and uplifting the essence of who we were with Rita in our lives. As times passes, I find myself every now and then picking up my phone to text her something funny, then realizing she’s not on the other end. I also find myself a little more quiet than usual - in my thoughts and to myself – realizing the reaction is normal, especially for an introvert, but also realizing that in my alone time, I’m busying myself more than usual with robotic things like administrative tasks and cleaning.
When I awoke this morning, I opened the window to hear the birds, and their lovely songs brought a smile to my face. Every morning, regardless of the weather conditions, they are awake, chirping and starting their day. I was curious about these energetic and bold morning choruses and learned through research that there’s a name for this incredible concert outside my window – a “Dawn Chorus.” Whether the birds are in America, Europe, Africa and anywhere in between – varieties of birds join this pre-sunrise debut, some louder than others, for a few reasons. From gathering food to protecting their hatchlings and mates, or from courting a female or renewing bonds with an existing mate, birds claim their kin and territories. They also belt out a tune in order to release their exclamation of “I survived! I made it! I am strong and healthy enough to survive dipping temperatures, sneaky predators and no feeding.” Their symphony sings survival. The mere thought of that harmonious glee club surviving makes me smile.
I love music- all kinds of music, but especially disco and Motown. Earth, Wind and Fire, Sister Sledge, KC & The Sunshine Band, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder… and the list continues. It was just after my son died 12 years ago that in my grief and body grief response, I was unable to listen to music for several months. The vibrations, beats, and sounds stung me to my core and it was too much for my nervous system to handle at the time. But over time, in fact, ten months later, on a breezy June evening with the full moon above us, I, along with some close friends and dear Rita, went to the annual Disco Party in Toledo, Ohio. I didn’t leave the dance floor! I boogied down, smiled, reached up for the full moon’s light as it embodied my mind, body and energy. My pain was transforming, my blood was pumping, and my lymphatic system was moving. My mood lifted – I was breathing differently. Such a respite for my tragic loss.
Research and experts in music therapy and the medical field show us that music can treat and positively influence everything from PTSD to dementia, ADD/ADHD to physical diseases and conditions. In short, music is powerful. It lightens mood, improves sleep as well as responses to pain, boosts memory and reduces depression and anxiety. Music helps us survive losses and deaths and disappointments. Music helps us connect and relax and celebrate.
What have you survived? Are you in the protective mode of your process or maybe you are celebrating in a jubilee way? Whether we are taught spiritually or musically or by oral tradition, there is a time for everything. And, we can hold both life and death or life and loss together, respecting our grieving time frames and tender hearts, and lean into a song of survival. We can smile and cry; reflect and connect all the while we put back together the shattered pieces of our hearts. In your journey, may you sing a song and listen for the symphony in other’s music as well.
Peace and Goodwill always!
Here is a link to Earth, Wind, & Fire’s official Youtube audio “Sing A Song”; I hope you enjoy as you sing and dance!