“From the ashes we will rise,
Our blooming bones have heard the cries,
Of a thousand women pleading in the moon’s night,
Of a thousand men hiding their faces from the sun’s light.
All in the name of loss.”
-Amy Childers
In a recent conversation with a friend, we were talking about the death of her mom. It happened to be storming outside. In fact, to the north, the clouds were dark and angry as the swirling wind threw small pieces of hail to the ground, yet from the south, there were sun beams smiling through the tree branches. It was not too long after the one-year anniversary of her mom’s death and we were reflecting and sharing some of her favorite memories. She also talked about the sad times and the struggle that she and her mom once had. I was thinking of something I overheard regarding grief that said something like, “you can’t look back –you have to find the happy and keep moving forward.” As if my friend was reading my mind, she said, “I think nature shows us that it’s okay to look back; it’s okay to scream or cry,” her voice cracked right in tempo with a booming clash of thunder and I jumped slightly in my chair. I agree with her completely. In fact, I teach it to my clients. It really is okay, and actually very important at times to look back. It helps us grow and transform and build self-reliance both individually and systemically.
I love that picture that she created in my mind – the fact that nature shows us, teaches us, and perhaps nature even gives us permission to know it’s okay to scream or cry. Think back for a moment to the very last time you screamed or cried. Was it out of anger? Hurt? Sadness? Frustration? Perhaps it was an argument with a child or partner or spouse. Was it bad news about your health or job or misunderstanding with a friend? Did a dream, a passion, or a loved one die?
Think for a moment about what grips your heart and brings you to your knees, cradling that vulnerable place inside you. It’s important as we journey through life, digging deep and reinventing ourselves, that we ask this question, “What have I survived and am I living or dying during my life’s journey?”
If we want to continue living, we might ask ourselves, “what is my passion and how can I transform it to ignite a fire within me?” And, to find our peace, we must stretch our minds, bodies and spirits in ways to bring awareness of our thoughts and feelings as well as tuning-in to what our body’s sensations are telling us. Perhaps when you’re trying to get a point across, your throat feels tight. Or when you’re struggling with grief or a loss of any kind, does your heart feel heavy, or is your solar plexus tied in knots? What is your body telling you? I encourage you to check-in with yourself throughout the day – take a few deep breaths, ask yourself, for example, if your shoulders are relaxed or if your thighs are tight. Body awareness, along with meditation, contemplation and prayer, regardless of your spiritual beliefs and practices, will help forge your energy into a more grounded and tranquil being. This being or entity called self is both completely yours as well as simultaneously active in others.
The Greek philosopher Socrates is perhaps best known for the quote, “Know Thyself.” When we do inner work, navigating into those deep places that can be both sorrowful or joyful through meditation and prayer, we understand that the self-matters. This allows us to hold up our own light that has been dimmed or even extinguished, perhaps even many times, shining it for our family, our friends, coworkers and community; engaging our newly transformed self-reliance that is carved into self-confidence. And, those we help can carry the torch to yet another breaking heart, jobless veteran, broken marriage, grief-stricken parent, hopeless teen, lonely widow, HIV positive, cancer metastasized, parent deployed, your voice doesn’t matter trauma-struck scenario.
Individual and community. Although we are tempted to separate the two, here is yet another example of what we think may be two opposites, yet they go hand in hand. In his essay “Self-Reliance” Ralph Waldo Emerson declares, “nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” Emerson was a Transcendentalist, focusing on nature and individuality, challenging societal norms to improve self and society. We individually do our inner work, practice awareness and peace, giving name to both our shadow and conscious self, and then share our light - helping to clear the path for self and others.
Transformation is a powerful action word that sounds inspiring and whole. In reality, in order to transform, we will experience and react both negatively and positively. On this journey, we will, at times be mean and ugly. We will also smile and sing; love and show kindness. Our traumas can form and shape us; perhaps even define us – but when we invite self-reliant intuition to greet boldness, we can transform.
Take the chance; dare to be different. Be aware and bold in the healing of what you have survived – Be Brave as a Butterfly.
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
-Carl Jung
In living, may you be a pillar of transformation; each of us holding a torch, lighting the path for self…and for one another.
Continued peace, safety and goodwill to you!
